TAKEN

Can music give you back something that’s been taken from you?  I think so.  Like many I’ve had many things taken from me through life… good and bad, but tonight I’m listening to music.  It’s the music that makes your soul whisper to your heart.  The kind that feels like was written for you.  The kind that waters your eyes, chills your skin and sends the hair on your arms reaching for the sky.  It tells of memories to tender to tell and makes you think of stories you’ll never share.  The sounds can send you right back into a dream or memory.  The words can remind you of the people in your life who really made an impact and moments with them that no one can take away.  Love, hate, happiness, fear, sadness, excitment, true joy, innocence, compassion…  I love the emotions and the ability to tune into each of them simply by hearing the artistic words of a stranger.

Things taken and the songs that brings them back:

Youth, but I welcome each New Year with open arms – “Dreams” by The Cranberries

A full life with my father, only partially taken by drugs – “Free Bird” by Lynyrd Skynyrd

First Love – “My Ruca” by Sublime or “”Collie Man” by Slightly Stoopid

My Virginity, taken at an appropriate age to a special someone – “Strawberry Wine” by Deana Carter

My backpack from my first kegger – “What’s Up” by 4 Non Blondes

In-Laws lives lost too early by disease; I’ll never get to know them in this life – “Calling All Angles” by Train

A day to day life with my brother, a true loyal Marine - "American Soldier" by Toby Keith


True & Imperfect Love - "You & Me" by Lifehouse and "Forever" by Ben Harper


My daughters’ newborn days – “Godspeed” by the Dixie Chicks

On that (music) Note

Here are some of my favorite music quotes from different songs that I love at different times… Do you know them?  This is an eclectic list… Enjoy.

1.  “My love will fly to you each night on angles wings

God speed, sweet dreams”

2.  “The storms are raging on the rolling sea

And on that highway of regret

The winds of change are blowing wild and free

You ain’t seen nothing like me yet”

3.  “Maybe that’s what happens when a tornado meet a volcano”

4. “Go on, chase your dreams, but always know the road that will lead you home again

Go on, take on this whole world, but to me you know you’ll always be my little girl.”

5.  “But they say it’ll all work out fine

Was it all a waste of time?

Cause I knew, I knew, I’d lose you

And you’ll always be special to me, special to me, to me.”

6.  “But even those old pictures

Have begun to fade

Please tell me she’s not real

And that you’re really comin’ home to stay”

7. "So give me your forever
Please your forever
And not a day less will do
From you"

SHE LOVES ME... She loves me not

AKA Kiss or Dis

Kiss

Skype... The only way to see my husband while he’s working out of town and how my girls stay in touch with their “Uncle Bubba” and “Tia C” in Japan.

Adele… her voice, her words, her honesty, her venerability, her style, her chin, her piano player, her accent.  I love her and I secretly wish I had her accent.  I may have even faked a similar brogue when flying home to California from Illinois years ago.

Break up songs… I know weird, right?  It reminds me of the pain and then jogs my memory of the feeling of filling that hole with the happy side of a break up.... The make up! 

The smell of gasoline...  Love it.

Public Speaking... but only when I know what I’m talking about.

Dis

CD packaging…  Why does that one sticker at the top always peel off into 72 tiny pieces that stick to everything including underneath my fingernails?  I can’t tell you how many CD I have that have a broken case. Ugh.

Yard sales…  Only because I need to have one and I’m too connected to my daughters toys and clothes; Who am I kidding, I can’t even let the burp rags go.  Sheesh… Sign me up for hoarders already.

Careeres that take loved ones away from you… (i.e. Hubinator out of town, brother overseas, etc.).

First came love... then came another

Everytime I turn around, log in or sign on there's a new baby in my world.  A new cousin, a friends newborn, a co-workers first grandbaby... I love to help out, deliver a home cooked meal, I wait for invite to visit before the newborn curl as faded and I offer my best practices when asked. 

Newborns are my thing.  Their smell, the their swollen puffy faces, the way the melt into your arms.  It's a good thing I'm not a delivery nurse because I'm pretty sure I'd be repremanded for hording the newbies.

With all this blogging and all these babies I decided to take a look at my daughters newborn baby pics.  Pictured below, just hours old, are my girls, my world, my loves. 

Tysie Nicole, 7lbs. 12oz

Then 14 short months later came,

Kenzlie Jean, 8lbs. 10oz.

Back to School

RHS Class of 2000

Part of my nightly routine is asking my darling daughters what they did at “school” today.  Kenzlie (almost 19 months old) babbles in baby talk while Tysie tattles on each of her 2-4 year old classmates. Everyone knows 2 ½ year olds love to report back all the naughty things they observed throughout the playful day not to mention spill the beans on everything their parents do.

After dinner it’s baths, books and rocking chair songs.  We recently moved the girls into one room so after stories first I rock my youngest then once she’s just about asleep I lay her in her crib to sooth herself to sleep and I sweep up my oldest.  She’s been patiently waiting for her turn while thumbing through her favorite board books.  We talk some more, sing, hum and slowly rock.  Once her breaths deepened tonight my mind drifted back to work for a second and I remembered that the teens I work with start school tomorrow.  The programs I advise are made up mostly of seniors in high school so I couldn’t help but think they are probably excitedly preparing for their special first day.  Naturally I thought about what I was doing the night before the first day of my senior year…

An attempt at tradition

It was August 1999… I had laid out my white, royal blue and silver puffy painted t-shirt (decorated to match my 4 best friends) with “Senior-itas” across the chest, my name on the back and ’00 on the sleeves.   My high waisted, super small cutoff jean shorts were next to a new pair of Old Navy flip flops.  I was about to start my senior year – one of the best of my teens years.  Next to the spirited first day of school outfit was a pile of black workout garments.  But don’t be fooled; those dark clothes were not for a morning workout, rather set out for an attempt to continue a great tradition done by incoming seniors at my Alma Mater. 

Earlier that day my friends and I piled in my rusty blue beat up 1987 Nissan Sentra hatchback and headed to Wal-mart to stock up on cheap toilet paper and loads of candy.  We had all agreed to stay up late, dress in dark clothes and make our way for what was going to be the best TPing job in Redwood High School history.

 I could spend this entire night giving you details about the white out job we did, the police chase ending in a ditch, and the hours spent taking down every piece of TP we had showered across campus.  I could tell you how much we laughed and I could tell you how awesome of a job we did, but only these eyes, two other pairs and a handful of cops have the luxury of remembering the work of 3 wild 16 year old girls – I assure you an amazing sight it was.  I nearly cried not from being caught, but just thinking that none of our classmates were going to enjoy our white wonderland on the first day of school like we had planned.  As we took down each draped strip of TP (per the VPD’s demand) I sighed and the police officers giggled and sipped their cheap 7-11 coffee.

I’ll never forget sitting on the curb between two of my bravest BFF’s as the sun came up that morning and the police officers continued to contact our parents.  After the other girls were picked up, one officer followed my beat up car home and escorted me to the door.  Before my pigtails could hit the pillow my alarm clock sounded and it was officially the first day of my senior year.  That wild night set the tone for my entire 12^th grade.  I may not remember what we did in chemistry and I surely didn’t leave that place with an outstanding GPA, but boy do I remember the football games, the after parties, wearing his lettermen jacket, homecoming court, countless sleepovers with the girls, sneaking out, sharing secrets, ditching school, matching outfits and much more! 

So to those teens that are about to start their first day of their senior year I hope you make it count, live it  up (safely) and ENJOY!

<3 Hollie

Class of 2000!

Mother-In-Law

Who would have thought anyone would be jealous of the person complaining about their dreaded mother-in-law coming to visit for the weekend?

There once was a lady who seemed gentle and strong.  I can’t tell you much about her because our lives were only intertwined for about a year.  And even though that time was cut so short she’s still all around me and more so around the ones I hold closest to my soul.  Her face is seen in the man that I married just a few short years after she left this world.  I see her sons in my daughters faces.  My daughter shares her middle name and I hear her family talk about her similarities in my girls as well. 

Memories I’ll share with my children (when they’re old enough)

I remember meeting her.  I was nervous.  Really nervous.  She came home from a trip and I was sitting too close to her oldest son on her brown cloth sectional.  I hopped up and anxiously shook her narrow hand smiling with all my teeth.  She was soft, kind and seemed to look at me with a slight curiosity surly wondering if I was good enough for one of her beloved boys.  I think she approved or I hope so anyway.

I remember my “6 month anniversary” date.  Josh arranged a special morning date with his mom and her boyfriend who flew a 4 passenger airplane.  We flew to another valley town for brunch before flying over our high school, my office, college, home and other personally familiar landmarks.  I was so excited and nervous I remember repeating over the radio headphones “this is so cool” way too many times.  I’m sure she thought I must have been completely uneducated to not have anything else to say.

I remember days at the lake on her houseboat that she had put so much work into that summer.  One hot afternoon we joined friends and family and she whispered, “If you get the curse whenever you’re up here I always keep supplies in there”.  I didn’t know what the curse was until I open the cabinet she was pointing to - to find an assortment of feminine products – needless to say my cheeks turned a shard of red with embarrassment.

I remember she made a special dinner one night and just as I was getting comfortable in our conversations my fork made its way to the artichokes she had prepared and served me.  I had never eaten one like that so as I forked the other side’s I almost choked when she said she couldn’t imagine anyone not knowing how to eat an artichoke…  I had never eaten one and had to secretly learn from watching the other 3 at the table hoping not to embarrass myself.

I remember the day she brought her boys to Mimi’s Café where I was serving tables to pay for college classes.  I’ve never been so nervous to wait on a table in my life.  I’m surprised she didn’t leave wearing her lunch since my hand was shaking as I carried the tray of dishes to their table.

I have awful memories of her too… like the time she came home early to find us skinny dipping in the pool.  I can still see her face as she stopped dead in her tracks halfway through the back year retreating annoyed when she saw my polka dot bikini next to her sons’ board shorts by the gate.

Never say Never

I get emotional thinking I’ll never get to share anymore special memories with her.  My daughters will only know her face in the pictures we keep up around the house.  I saddens me to think that they won’t get to have sleepovers at Grandma Rhonda’s or play dress up in her clothes and jewelry.  They won’t get to run to her when they’re mad at me and dad or cry to her about their first heartbreak.  I’m able to remind myself that my girls are so lucky to be surrounded by their other grandparents and honorary grandparents.   Good thing we have lots of irreplaceable family members who love and adore them.

Remembering Rhonda today with a few things that remind me of her most…  Hydrangeas, Lavender, Country Bears, White Minivans, Artichokes, Kaweah Lake, small air planes and private jets, Chinese food, Scottsdale, AZ, whole foods stores, feng shui,  Real Fresh and Mimi’s Cafe. 

 To my mother-in-law & thoes that knew her… December 1, 1959 – August 5, 2004

Tempus Fugit

It happened at a stop light tonight on Mooney Boulevard somewhere between a routine stop at Target Greatland and Hobby Lobby…   Our white SVU sat idle waiting for the green light behind a lifted red Chevy with a Redwood High School football sticker in lower center of the back windshield…  That’s when it hit me. 

In that instant I couldn’t hear the two toddlers in the back seat giggling at their dad who was behind the wheel.  I couldn’t hear my Adele CD whispering from the speakers and I surely couldn’t hear my busy mind reviewing tomorrows work duties, grocery lists and the million other working mommy “to do’s”.  My eyes could only focus on the four teenage ponytails bobbing in sync to what must have been today’s hit song.  The four girls in the back seat danced together with a fifth BFF in the front passenger seat and a handsome your man behind the wheel.  Their smiles were mischievous and carless as they lived up the last few days of summer vacation.  I could only imagine their to-do list included laying out, texting and a kegger out at Cut-Foot. (Does Cut-Foot still exist or has that once high school party orchard turned into a new housing development?)

The sight of the teens threw me back to my own teenage days and the shadowed outline of the party of six turned into the faces of 5 special people in my life.  The lifted red Chevy turned into my high school sweethearts’ ridiculously awesome car also known as the infamous “Beast”.  My young face sat in the passenger seat looking back at my 4 BFF’s.  Our eclectic tight nit group of 5 couldn’t have been more different, but fit together like an extravagant puzzle.  We had polar opposite family dynamics, looks, grades, interests and styles.  Almost like a cooler version of the once popular Spice Girls… Sweet, Sporty, Sexy, Wild & Strong.  I can’t even choose who fits what description because as different as we were we each had a bit of each trait in us.

We cut class, snuck out, TP houses, kissed boys, rocked pep rallies, ruled football games, decorated school spirited outfits, danced in (and on) cars, went camping, slept on the beach, drank, smoked, shared secrets, laughed, cried and everything in between.  I could go on forever with stories… We lost touch then reconnected and still to this day get together and laugh and sometimes cry.  They’re the friendships that matter most; the ones that no matter how much or little time goes by you pick up where you left off.  I enjoy each one of them for different reasons and appreciate each of them for who they are.

Fast Forward

Those 4 best friends of mine who I once shared beer bottles and sneak out sleepovers with are still a part of my life today thankfully.  In 11+ years they have grown into 4 beautiful, strong, unique, successful young career women.  The kindhearted Social Worker, the dedicated chain store Manager, the resilient Register Nurse and the passionate Firefighter/Paramedic all four 28/29 year olds that I hope to know and share memories with into my late 80’s, God willing.

That picture perfect high school sweetheart left this world just over 3 years ago while serving his country on what he called the greatest team he’d even been a part of, the U.S. Army.  His many friends and family could fill the world with countless stories of the young hero.  There are not enough words to explain him to readers.  Just imagine an amazing, caring, fun loving, loyal, best friend and multiply it by a thousand.  I was lucky enough to spend a few years as a part of his life and I’m thankful for the memories too tender to tell.

After all these thoughts ran through my mind the light was green and the sweet giggles of my precious baby girls brought me back to where I am happiest now.  Just then the strong hand of my husband rested on my leg and we where almost home to our white picket fence life.

Tempus Fugit = Time Flies

Part of my career is creating programs, classes, events and activities (to name a few) and a portion of that includes working with seniors.  I often hear them tell stories of their lives and it amazes me how they feel like just yesterday they were my age.  It scares me to death thinking that before I know it I could be attending ceramic classes reminiscing about the old days although I think I did just that because in some ways it does feel like it was just yesterday that I was in the vehicle dancing with my best friends and enjoying a careless summer vacation.

Tick tock… Don’t watch the clock, live, laugh & love.

Good night for now.